wholly matrimony

[Taken from a magazine article about a year ago]


They'd been engaged for years, and dating even longer, but Billy Styles and now-wife Carmen DeSantis seemed to have no interest in ever taking the plunge into Holy Matrimony. It looks like one of them finally got over their cold feet though, because the couple was wed in a beautiful ceremony in Italy's Lake Como region. Not one to be outdone, Billy rented the region's largest Villa for the two weeks surrounding the date.

They do love to put on a show though - what was expected to be a private affair was certainly well documented, as the couple made sure several high-profile journalists and photographers were on their invite list. The rest of the guests were the Who's Who of the A-List (not that we would expect anything less)! The real topping on the cake was megastar Tom Blues, who performed the ceremony for the couple. Billy Styles and Carmen, as well as Tom and his former wife, Nicole Skidmore, are all followers of the obscure 'Selfie' belief system. The wedding was performed in keeping with their beliefs.

[email exchange from around the same time period]



Happy Thursday, Guys and Dolls! Congrats on making it past another Hump day and welcome to Little Friday, not that any of you lushes need another excuse to get wasted on a weekday.

So there's only thing I want to talk about this week, and that is last week's SANDY SHORES segment featuring the Increasingly Intriguing (and infamous) Tom Blues and his Blushing Bashful Beard. How he fooled another girl into think he's somehow less queer than a three dollar bill is beyond me, but I at least hope there are enough zeros on that contract to make it worthwhile, HA! (don't sue me, please)

Okay no but seriously, all jokes aside - did anyone else see this interview? I mean I know at least some of you lazy hoes watched it, but did you see it? Because I still haven't been able to shower the creepy off me. It was like I had jumped in some kind of time machine back to the early 90s.


The way she kept looking at him for approval, making sure that she was 'staying on message'? I feel like it would have to be cheaper to just buy a puppet, but I guess if you are the Biggest Star in Hollywood, it's more fun to just get a person instead. You can't tell the media you're dating a puppet anyway - Hollyweird isn't ready for that quite yet, I don't think.

And when she mentioned her 'issues'? First of all, please girl, as if we all didn't know you were looking to jump back on that Ex train with CJ Metzler. Second of all, I thought for sure he was going to clamp his hand right over her mouth right there, and I could tell Sandy was thinking the same thing - she could not wait to get him off camera fast enough.

I know we've heard him talk about Selfism a little in the past, but this is a big shift for him, and an even bigger one for Katie. If I were a better person, I'd probably ask if she was okay and if she needed a deprogrammer (or a thorough dicking), but instead I'm just going to say grab your popcorn and gin, ladies and gents, this is gonna get good.

[please see comments - Ed.]


But first, let me take a Selfie

Sandy: Good afternoon, viewers. This is Sandy - obviously, since this is my show and you're watching it! Ha ha! So we are lucky enough to be sitting down today with a man who needs no introduction, Mr. Tom Blues himself! And joining him is the always lovely Katie Watson. Welcome to the both of you, we are so happy to have you here!

Tom Blues: Thank you, Sandy. It's a pleasure to be here as always!

Katie Watson: Yes, thank you so much for having us.

Sandy: So, Tom, you've been all over the place lately promoting your latest film, but we haven't seen Katie with you for a lot of those trips. What's going on? Is there trouble in paradise?

Tom: (laughs) Absolutely not! We are happier than ever. I didn't want to drag her all around creation with me; I thought it might be nicer for her to get a bit of a vacation for a few months so at least one of us could be rested and relaxed! She also really expressed some interest in learning more about the spiritual teachings of my Lifestyle, and wanted some time to focus on absorbing and internalizing that Message.

Sandy: Can you tell us a little more about that?

(Tom turns to Katie expectantly)

Katie: (clears throat, begins hesitantly) Well... it's a really.... It's a wonderful school of thought, I've found. It's all about believing in the Power of Energy, and consciously learning to Project Positivity into the Self Spheres of ourselves and others. Tom talked to me about it, and we agreed that it would really be the best solution to help me work through my issues, and I completely agree. He's been so supportive and helped put me in touch with some of the best Teachers - it's made a huge difference in my life.

Sandy: What do you mean by... issues?

Katie: Oh - oh. I didn't mean anything serious. Nothing big. Just ... adjusting to this new level of fame has been somewhat of a challenge for me, and has taken a toll on my own energies since I'm just not used to it, you know? But Tom saw that I was struggling and he offered to help, and I'm so glad that he did. I feel like a different person.

Tom: The guidelines of Selfism are simple and finite - it's all about maintaining the integrity of your own Self Sphere, and learning how to control the Energies that can change the color of your Sphere, or at worst, disrupt your Inner Core. There's so much negativity and false information out in the world, it's vital to harness the Energies and learn to control them.

Sandy: ... That's very interesting, Tom. Thank you. We've heard a little bit about this from you before - wasn't Nicole Skidmore also a believer of Selfism?

Tom: She was, yes. We both were introduced to it at around the same time. I'm just overjoyed to be able to help Katie and introduce her into this world before it was too late.

Katie: It's made a huge change in my life.

Sandy: Well glad to hear Hollywood's Favorite Couple is doing well, despite all the rumors!

Tom: Those rumors are exactly what I'm talking about, regarding negativity.

Sandy: Yes, well, you clearly don't let them bother you - what do they say these days, 'haters make me famous'? And you, Tom, could hardly be more famous! Whatever you're doing is working, because you both look fantastic. Thank you so much for stopping by today, it's always a pleasure to have you with us.

Tom: And it's always a joy to see you too, Sandy. Let me know if you ever want to talk about this further; I have some great websites I could recommend for you.


Mr. Fantastic

Dear Diary,

Wow, that feels weird to write. I don't think I've written in a diary since I was 14. And even then, I wasn't very good at it.

Ugh, there I go again. Maybe Paul is right - I'm stuck in this self-fulfilling, negative energy cycle. I project negativity onto myself and then outwards into the world, onto everyone else. I have to remember to let others help me, encourage me.

It was his idea to start writing stuff down. "Anything," he said, "is better than nothing." (I'm trying really hard not to disagree with him here)

It's just been me and Paul alone here. I haven't seen Tom in almost a month, not since we arrived at his house in Telluride. He is working on promoting his movie, Paul told me, so he's flying all over the world for premieres and the like. "So you need to send him all your positivity - he is counting on you to brighten his energy sphere." Which I know, I mean, that's why I'm here after all. So I can be a better partner for him. I guess. (That's what Paul told me when I asked why I wasn't invited along)

Which, I mean, I get. He's the most famous actor in the world. He's beyond A-List; he's 'stratospheric' (as Paul says). If I hadn't met him, I'd be lucky to pay paparazzi to take my photo. And he's so handsome, and charming - being around him is like being on a drug. When he looks right at you, it's like a spotlight has lit up your world and you can't think about anything else. So I'd like to improve; I too have several reasons I'd like to make this work with him.

Part of my 'recovery' here is limited, monitored phone and internet use. Every morning, Paul shows me the most recent pictures of Tom - all dressed up for a premiere; a paparazzi shot eating gelato in Venice; smiling arm in arm with his director and producer. It makes me miss him, even though I'm not really sure what I'm missing. I'm not sure what I really know about him.

I know its a Toxic Emotion, but I'm just so confused about all of this. I know I made some dumb mistakes (see: CJ), but I'm not even sure that's what he's upset about.

To be honest, I'm not even sure if he is upset. I just have no idea what's going on. Paul tells me that this is an important step in our relationship, a planting of seeds to encourage a mutual growth, but I'm not sure how we can grow together if he isn't here. I don't even know if we are supposed to grow together - is that in the contract? Ha!

I wish I could say I never signed up for this, but I did quite literally ink my name on his dotted line.

(Tom - See above. We're making good progress here - Katie is coming around, slowly but surely. She's definitely not as cold and headstrong as NS was. We'll try to give you a call later this week - I think it would really brighten her spirits and be a great chance to check on the progression of the merging of your energies.

Hope all is well on your end. Recognize your light. Best, Paul M.)



As you probably have heard (and if you haven't - welcome to civilization, we're glad to have you), Tom Blues attended the London premiere of his movie, Challenge Accepted: Mercury in Retrogradealone. This is the first time he's been spotted without his appendage, Katie Watson, since the two became a fixture on the scene.

Trouble in Paradise?

We were wondering too. When questioned about it on the red carpet, he only said that everything was fine between them; Katie just caught the flu that's been going around and couldn't make it. 

"I told her I'd take lots of pictures for her, so she'll feel like she's here!" He laughed.

Maybe we've been watching too much Scandal lately, but we're feeling a little skeptical. Sources spotted Katie at Tom's house in Telluride just three days ago, while Tom was all over the London scene. Maybe the girl is really sick and we shouldn't judge - but in the photos we saw of her at the tennis courts and Starbucks, she looked pretty healthy to us. 

It also looks like Katie's also got a new friend - She's been spotted multiple times for the past several weeks with one of Tom's closest friends - Paul Miscrattus, and we don't mean in a romantic way. Did Tom call the babysitter on Katie? Guess we'll just have to keep wondering...!